Politics makes its mark on dating in Putin’s Russia

Dating can be difficult because of the gulf between those backing Russia’s offensive and those who oppose it – Copyright AFP MUNIR UZ ZAMAN

Sitting at a cafe in Moscow, Yulia swiped through a carousel of men on her phone’s dating app, trying to guess if the people in the pictures shared her views.

“I started to include the artists that I listen to in the bio. It’s kind of a hint at my thinking,” the 21-year-old freelance photographer said, choosing her language carefully.

Since Russia launched its full-scale military operation in Ukraine in February 2022, thousands of people have been denounced, fined or thrown in jail for expressing opposition to the conflict.

According to opinion polls, only a minority of young people living in Russia disapprove of the offensive.

A June poll by the independent Levada centre suggested 30 percent of 18-24 year-olds disapprove, compared with 59 percent who approve.

For young, liberal Russians who want to avoid hooking up with hardline pro-army patriots, dating has become a minefield.

“After 2022, I stopped giving links to any publications that I read,” Yulia said of her online dating profile.

Gone were any articles expressing tolerance towards LGBTQ people or opposition to the Ukraine conflict — opinions that can land you in jail.

Instead, she listed her favourite musicians as Zemfira and Monetochka, singers who have criticised Russia’s offensive in Ukraine and have been declared “foreign agents” by Moscow.

– ‘Very classy’ –

The dating scene can also be tricky to navigate for those who back the offensive.

Several groups on social media organise “patriotic meetings” for supporters of the Kremlin and military to search for potential matches offline.

Arseny Blavatsky, a 24-year-old PR manager and self-confessed admirer of President Vladimir Putin, said he was looking for “an ideologically close partner”.

“Since February 2022, nobody can be apolitical,” he told AFP at a speed-dating event held in a Moscow restaurant, his fourth so far.

For Arseny, avoiding ideological conflict in a relationship is a must.

He recalled his frustration after meeting one girl whom he called “very classy” but politically incompatible.

“I was getting on very well with this one girl, everything was cool. On the same wavelength, the same language,” he said.

But after Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny died in prison in February, she became extremely upset — to his dismay.

“She was in absolute hysterics. I told her that changed nothing between us. And she says, ‘Well, that’s it, we can’t go on’. I mean, that’s a bit rubbish, isn’t it?” he told AFP.

After meeting a dozen girls at the speed-dating event, Arseny chose two to follow up with.

Arseny said he doesn’t know if it’s going to work out this time.

– ‘Unexpected joy’ –

To avoid encountering such differences, other young people have found partners within political movements.

Katya Anikievich and Matvei Klestov, both 21, met in January while campaigning for Boris Nadezhdin, an opposition politician who wanted to challenge Putin in March’s presidential election.

“Thousands of people, often my age, spoke freely. It was an unexpected joy,” Matvei said of the campaign.

In the end, the authorities blocked Nadezhdin from running.

But life changed for Katya and Matvei.

Hand in hand, they have gone on to support jailed anti-offensive activists in court and taken part in gatherings to write letters to prisoners.

“Katya shares my opinions, it makes me want to go on living,” Matvei said.

– ‘I’ll follow him’ –

Maria Smoktiy and Mikhail Galyashkin also found love through politics.

They met at a demonstration organised by the “Other Russia” party, an offshoot of the far-left National Bolshevik movement founded by the late activist and writer Eduard Limonov.

The party backs Russia’s military operation in Ukraine. But its politics is generally more hardline than that of the government, which has sometimes brought it into conflict with the authorities.

Maria, 18, said she gave up her Arabic studies to deliver aid to parts of eastern Ukraine controlled by Russia with the 24-year-old Mikhail, whom she called “an accomplished adventurer”.

“When some turbulent historical events happen, you immediately realise who’s on your side and who’s on the other side,” she said, speaking to AFP in the kitchen of their small Moscow flat.

The couple have travelled a lot in Russia and organised unauthorised demonstrations that have often landed Mikhail in prison for a few days.

“Setting up barricades, having a family, I want to do everything with him,” Maria said, stroking a bust of Lenin on the table with one hand.

“I’ll follow him all the way to Siberia,” she added.

“Maria is a diamond like no other in the world,” Mikhail replied, unabashedly proud.

But for some in Moscow, the adage that opposites attract still applies.

Lev, a 28-year-old salesman at a patriotic bookshop in Moscow, and Yevgenia, а 20-year-old English teacher, say they found love even though they are ideologically opposed. 

A “stubborn conservative” by his own admission, Lev said he was about to marry a “liberal open to the West”.

“She contradicts me and I often take her side,” he confessed, surprised.